Another Lenten season begins!
I did not expect that this Lent would be a big one.
The other day I was reading the final few cantos of Purgatorio - normally not among my favorite parts of the poem - but I came across a section in canto 31 that practically enacted an ontological change in me. Dante has just encountered Beatrice in the Garden of Eden and is shaking in his boots to find himself in her presence. And she doesn't make it easy for him. She confronts him instantly for turning his love from her and all Holy Goodness to lesser things - some other girl, other concerns that couldn't possibly bless him. She says his "wings should not have been weighted down only to await more blows." At the sound of this rebuke Dante loses the ability to speak and collapses into sobs.
"As a crossbow cracks, when it is loosed after
cord and bow have been drawn too far, and the
bolt strikes the target with less force:
so I broke under this heavy burden, gasping
forth tears and sighs, and my voice was weakened
along its passage.
Therefore she to me: 'Within your desires for
me, which were leading you to love the Good
beyond which there is nothing one can aspire to,
what ditches across your way, or what chains did
you find, that you should so strip yourself of the
hope of passing beyond them?
And what comforts or what advantages did you
see displayed on others' brows, that you should
parade before them?" (Purg. 31.16-30)
My time at UCLA has consisted of a continuous drawing back of the crossbow. Aimed at a singular, impossible goal, I have drawn that cord tighter, tighter, tighter during every moment that I've been in this program. If I stay up later. If I read another page. If I apply for another thing. If I try harder in my writing. Even when all of this started to make me really stressed and anxious, I approached wellness like the sharpening of another weapon that would help me succeed professionally. The only reason I paid attention to my stress and anxiety was that it was interfering with my work. And so the visits to CAPS, dedication to an exercise routine, writing groups, timing my workday for maximum productivity, the right white noise machine, the perfect study partners, the right diet. And so on.
Ever since Memorial Day of last year, a few days before my Masters exam, I have been entirely overcome with fear. I have felt so powerless and worthless that I haven't been recognizable to myself. I spent my whole summer in Italy feeling numb and paralyzed. The fall quarter contained enough of a familiar rhythm to allow me to cruise blindly and quietly for a while, but work started taking me twice as long and I found I had little to give. I felt some refreshment over Christmas break, but as soon as school started again in January, I descended into a depression so deep that my loved ones feared leaving me alone. Every time I sought professional help I was prescribed more medication and more therapy, and I was diagnosed with PTSD. Work has been next to impossible. My little Latin assignments that took an hour last quarter have taken me three to four hours, if I can manage them at all. My future has seemed so cloudy that I haven't been even able to imagine it. The pressure to constitute exam lists and get ready for a huge performance in June has been crippling. I've so longed to desire things, or even be able to hope for a better future. It's actually amazing to me how totally convinced I was that I had no value.
Last week the cord on that crossbow was finally drawn tight enough that I, too, broke under this heavy burden. It was violent. And I, too, gasped forth tears and felt like I was going to suffocate. I uttered the name of God in the weakest possible voice, and then started compulsively saying "It's over," over and over again. I meant that I was over. My future. My career. My worth and goodness. My personhood. My bright life, my bright self, losing my grasp on the tail end of the cord of my being and dissipating into a sinking, deep nothingness. It's over.
In that moment, I happened to glance at Instagram and came upon a short clip that said:
"What do you do when you're at the end of your rope? When you've done everything you can think of and the situation is still staring you in the face. What do you do? You pray the first line of Psalm 118:
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, for His Mercy endures forever.
But things are not turning out!
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, for His Mercy endures forever.
But it looks like the devil is winning!
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, for His Mercy endures forever.
These are the words that Jehosaphat put in the mouths of his soldiers and by the time they came to the battlefield, the enemies fought among themselves, and they spent the next few days collecting the jewels the enemy had left behind."
Within an instant, I forgot myself and remembered God's goodness. Making yourself the protagonist of your own story is perhaps the most damaging thing you can do. Suddenly all of that tension was broken, and the entire apparatus was shattered.
I am opting out of the tension now. It is God who hold my future. It is God who bestows my worth. The hold of all of my mental diseases, my disordered thinking about myself, my obsession with excelling under assessment - it is all broken now.
It's 11:57PM and Ash Wednesday is three minutes away. I have to write one more page of a conference paper that is a day late. It's hard work, and I am very tired.
I do not expect the rest of this road to be easy, and my labors in scholarship have only just begun. But I am no longer the glistening weapon drawn back under tighter and tighter tension. I am a sheep in the flock. Simple and humble, content to be shepherded among my fellow sheep by He who directs me. It will not be without pain and difficulty, but it matters less now, for this is not my story. This is God's story.
So I head into this season of Lent in joyful, relieved surrender. I am going to fast tomorrow, and I will see what happens when I begin the Daniel Fast for the remainder of Lent. I hold it with open hands. My intension is to worship God and read his Word constantly. I step into this Lent in a posture of rest, and I want to be sheltered behind his shield and beneath his wing, and eat from the garden he has created for me. Let his name be praise. Give thanks to Him for He is good, and His mercy endures forever. Amen.
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Mardi Gras 2016
It feels strange every time I say I am excited about Lent, but I know too well the delight of drawing closer to God for a special period of time. I have so enjoyed preparing for Lent over the past couple of weeks. I've been reading through my favorite devotional, The Lenten Spring by Thomas Hopko, and it always starts out with the loveliest exultation. Lent is an invitation to a spiritual adventure, he says, and it is our way of learning to rejoice differently. We normally express our joy with lavish meals, champagne, and my personal celebration of choice, a cold martini. Those things are wonderful, and we are encouraged by God to indulge in them to our delight. However, there are different ways to celebrate that go beyond our first-level appetites - those put forth by the body - and instead focus on indulging our spiritual ones.
Our spiritual appetites make their presence known more subtly, but they are the forces that truly determine the state of the soul. An underfed spirit brings about depression, stress, worry, insecurity, jealousy, exhaustion. And in turn, these things impact the body in significant ways. Lenten fasting is not about denying our first-level appetites to bring about some random suffering. Lenten fasting is about setting those appetites completely to the side for six weeks to dig deeply into the nourishment of the spirit. Fasting shouldn't make you think more about food - fasting should make you forget food entirely, only seeking the fuel that is necessary for health.
But in the same way an underfed spirit leads to a sick and unhappy body, so a nourished spirit creates a thriving body. This was the unexpected result of my first fast - and the story of Daniel's three-year fast during the Babylonian captivity. He was chosen to be an elite member of the King's guard, and therefore he was expected to dine on the rich, luxurious food from the King's table. Daniel and his three buddies told the guard in charge of them that they only wanted plants and water - they were the only Israelites in the group, and they didn't want to eat this non-kosher diet. The guard was sure they'd become frail and sick, and Daniel agreed they would eat from the King's table if their appearance, strength, or endurance suffered in the least bit. The guard allowed them a ten-day trial period.
"At the end of the ten days it was observed that they appeared better than all the young men who had been eating the royal rations. So the guard continued to withdraw their royal rations and the wine they were to drink, and gave them vegetables and water. To these four young men God gave knowledge and skill in every aspect of literature and wisdom." (Daniel 1:15-17)
This is not a story of deprivation. It's a story of prioritizing the spirit and forgetting about the body for a little while. We are not being punished, nor are we punishing ourselves. It's an opportunity for surrender to God. We say each morning, "God, what do you have for me this day?" instead of reaching for coffee or a piece of toast. It creates pauses. It interrupts our social eating and drinking routines. And as our spirits are nourished by this, we are simultaneously transformed in every aspect of physical health as well.
My fast was the end of headaches for me. My skin was shining and clear. My hair got thicker. My vision was clearer. My blood pressure dropped through the floor. I kicked caffeine and sugar addictions. I slept phenomenally well. I dropped my college weight. I felt actually interested in exercise for the first time. I realized how good my body was capable of feeling - all as a byproduct of laying all things aside to pray, read, and dwell with God for 6 short weeks. And these things have remained permanent. This is the body that houses a nourished spirit.
I pray that all Christians who are fasting this season will experience a wash of holiness, forgetting the body's many demands and focusing instead on the indwelling of the Holy Spirit within them.
Our spiritual appetites make their presence known more subtly, but they are the forces that truly determine the state of the soul. An underfed spirit brings about depression, stress, worry, insecurity, jealousy, exhaustion. And in turn, these things impact the body in significant ways. Lenten fasting is not about denying our first-level appetites to bring about some random suffering. Lenten fasting is about setting those appetites completely to the side for six weeks to dig deeply into the nourishment of the spirit. Fasting shouldn't make you think more about food - fasting should make you forget food entirely, only seeking the fuel that is necessary for health.
But in the same way an underfed spirit leads to a sick and unhappy body, so a nourished spirit creates a thriving body. This was the unexpected result of my first fast - and the story of Daniel's three-year fast during the Babylonian captivity. He was chosen to be an elite member of the King's guard, and therefore he was expected to dine on the rich, luxurious food from the King's table. Daniel and his three buddies told the guard in charge of them that they only wanted plants and water - they were the only Israelites in the group, and they didn't want to eat this non-kosher diet. The guard was sure they'd become frail and sick, and Daniel agreed they would eat from the King's table if their appearance, strength, or endurance suffered in the least bit. The guard allowed them a ten-day trial period.
"At the end of the ten days it was observed that they appeared better than all the young men who had been eating the royal rations. So the guard continued to withdraw their royal rations and the wine they were to drink, and gave them vegetables and water. To these four young men God gave knowledge and skill in every aspect of literature and wisdom." (Daniel 1:15-17)
This is not a story of deprivation. It's a story of prioritizing the spirit and forgetting about the body for a little while. We are not being punished, nor are we punishing ourselves. It's an opportunity for surrender to God. We say each morning, "God, what do you have for me this day?" instead of reaching for coffee or a piece of toast. It creates pauses. It interrupts our social eating and drinking routines. And as our spirits are nourished by this, we are simultaneously transformed in every aspect of physical health as well.
My fast was the end of headaches for me. My skin was shining and clear. My hair got thicker. My vision was clearer. My blood pressure dropped through the floor. I kicked caffeine and sugar addictions. I slept phenomenally well. I dropped my college weight. I felt actually interested in exercise for the first time. I realized how good my body was capable of feeling - all as a byproduct of laying all things aside to pray, read, and dwell with God for 6 short weeks. And these things have remained permanent. This is the body that houses a nourished spirit.
I pray that all Christians who are fasting this season will experience a wash of holiness, forgetting the body's many demands and focusing instead on the indwelling of the Holy Spirit within them.
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Preparation: Lent 2016
I do enjoy having a blog that absolutely nobody reads - it's like a journal. I've been keeping this one since my first Lenten fast in 2011, the 6 weeks that completely transformed my life. It was my first experience with the Daniel Fast, which brought about my transition to truly perfect health, and my first awakening to the meaning of Easter. I have not been the same in body or spirit since then.
I haven't ever been able to replicate that first Lenten experience, but I haven't needed to because the result of the first time has not wavered for me in the least. But fasting always has something to offer, I think, and I am excited to see what it will be this year.
As I wrote on this blog a few years ago, Lenten fasting is about placing Easter at the center of your daily life. We fast to shift our focus from the day-to-day needs that overcome us to the miracle of Christ. We properly order our pleasure and our restraint and live in peace with our bodies and our selves. What a joy.
Because I am now way more Anglican than I have been in years past, I am excited to go through this Lent with the Episcopal church in Koreatown. I think it'll be lots of fun.
From the Ash Wednesday liturgy in the Book of Common Prayer:
"I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God's holy word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance, and as a mark of our mortal nature, let us now kneel before the Lord, our maker and redeemer."
I haven't ever been able to replicate that first Lenten experience, but I haven't needed to because the result of the first time has not wavered for me in the least. But fasting always has something to offer, I think, and I am excited to see what it will be this year.
As I wrote on this blog a few years ago, Lenten fasting is about placing Easter at the center of your daily life. We fast to shift our focus from the day-to-day needs that overcome us to the miracle of Christ. We properly order our pleasure and our restraint and live in peace with our bodies and our selves. What a joy.
Because I am now way more Anglican than I have been in years past, I am excited to go through this Lent with the Episcopal church in Koreatown. I think it'll be lots of fun.
From the Ash Wednesday liturgy in the Book of Common Prayer:
"I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God's holy word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance, and as a mark of our mortal nature, let us now kneel before the Lord, our maker and redeemer."
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Week One, Year Four
What a wonderful first week! So far this fast is doing everything I had hoped - it is restoring my health, and my spirits have been wonderfully high since I started on Ash Wednesday. I have been doing some wonderful reading, particularly having to do with the depression I've been feeling since Greer left. It's one of those things where the first step is the hardest part, but fasting, reading, exercising, and otherwise choosing only healthy habits have all paid off bigtime. I had friends visiting me all week (friends from Yale who are about to move to Waco to start teaching at Baylor), and it was a real pleasure to be with friends who know me well.
I have a read a lot of articles online lately about incorrect Lenten fasting (go to divinity school and your Facebook feed will light up on Ash Wednesday). A lot of articles have argued that one shouldn't partake of fasts that will deliver health benefits because it is distracting from the "real reason" to observe Lent. I completely disagree. First of all, there is substantially more motivation to obey an eating plan when it's part of a fast. I have tried to do the Daniel Fast purely for health benefits, and I always fail. I crave the special proximity to God that I feel during Lent, and that is why I can obey these extreme rules. Am I doing this as some sort of "payment" to God to buy his attention and favor? Absolutely not. Fasting puts Easter at the center of the rhythms of my day, and that is the whole purpose. It doesn't do anything for God for me to not eat meat and candy.
The health benefits are a huge part of it also. When I do this fast, I have this feeling of physical lightness or cleanness, and it makes me think less about my body. My choices are simple every day, I have only fruits and vegetables to choose, and I feel wonderful.
It has been an excellent first week, filled with calmness, good sleep, and peace. Onward to Easter.
I have a read a lot of articles online lately about incorrect Lenten fasting (go to divinity school and your Facebook feed will light up on Ash Wednesday). A lot of articles have argued that one shouldn't partake of fasts that will deliver health benefits because it is distracting from the "real reason" to observe Lent. I completely disagree. First of all, there is substantially more motivation to obey an eating plan when it's part of a fast. I have tried to do the Daniel Fast purely for health benefits, and I always fail. I crave the special proximity to God that I feel during Lent, and that is why I can obey these extreme rules. Am I doing this as some sort of "payment" to God to buy his attention and favor? Absolutely not. Fasting puts Easter at the center of the rhythms of my day, and that is the whole purpose. It doesn't do anything for God for me to not eat meat and candy.
The health benefits are a huge part of it also. When I do this fast, I have this feeling of physical lightness or cleanness, and it makes me think less about my body. My choices are simple every day, I have only fruits and vegetables to choose, and I feel wonderful.
It has been an excellent first week, filled with calmness, good sleep, and peace. Onward to Easter.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Lent 2014
Year four of Lenten observance.
I'm in Texas this time, living alone, working at Baylor, waiting to see once again what the Daniel Fast holds for me. It is just now sundown on the night before Ash Wednesday. Only water until sundown tomorrow, then just vegetables until Easter.
Dear Lord, my need of you is great this year. My husband is deployed to Afghanistan, the road beyond that is unclear. This year has been full of feasting. The past few weeks have been a famine. Restore it now with a holy fast.
Amen.
I'm in Texas this time, living alone, working at Baylor, waiting to see once again what the Daniel Fast holds for me. It is just now sundown on the night before Ash Wednesday. Only water until sundown tomorrow, then just vegetables until Easter.
Dear Lord, my need of you is great this year. My husband is deployed to Afghanistan, the road beyond that is unclear. This year has been full of feasting. The past few weeks have been a famine. Restore it now with a holy fast.
Amen.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Lent 2013
Blogging about my Lenten fasts never works out, but I like the little snippets I've written down here. Here I am, year three, and the power of Lent 2011 is still with me. I've stayed a vegan ever since then, now as passionately as ever, and the whole family has followed suit. It's wonderful.
This year for Lent, with no preparation at all, I decided to do a semi-Daniel fast again. The vegan part is just normal everyday eating for me, but I've cut out 100% of sweets, which is NOT normal. My grad school diet is, not exaggerating, about 15% cookies. Of course I feel great since I cut them out.
I'm adding occasional homemade fresh vegetable juice, and I allow myself cups of coffee when academic deadlines demand the caffeine, but I use it more as a drug than a pleasure (I've sort of lost my taste for it).
I've had one weird craving so far, and that was a ham sandwich with mayonnaise, which I haven't eaten in many years, even before I became a vegan. I think sometimes I just long for really normal American food because it would be so easy to find. Fluffy white spongey bread, deli meat, mayo, a little lettuce, yellow mustard. I'll never stop being a vegan because my health is perfect, but simplicity and convenience when it comes to food might be something I always miss.
Grad school has been a subdued spiritual time for me. There was a flurry of activity and change before I got here, but it has been extremely muted for my whole time at Yale. There has been so much going on with my intellect and my emotions that I've definitely been aware of my spiritual growth, but it's looked very different from my pre-Yale life. I am starting to see glimmers of a return of my prayer life and my desire to praise God and talk to Him in my journal, but they are sparse. I sense a big change when I graduate in a few months, plan the wedding, get married, and start my Vita Nuova as Mrs. Illingworth.
So the goals for the fast are:
1) Finish my masters degree with some degree of success
2) Get ready for the powerful winds of change that are about to blow through my life
3) Start to think about what virtue looks like as a married person, although I'll really focus on this over the summer as I prepare for the wedding.
4) Reflect on the many ways I have learned to be loving to people who have nothing to do with Christianity. Yale has brought an incredible diversity of people into my life, and I cherish the relationships I have with them. It has been an exceptionally positive experience, but I look forward to think about it more to see what's going on in these loves I have with people who are so different from me.
5) Really make the most out of my last few months at Yale. I love this place so much, and I want to see how I can draw the best of it into my next life chapter.
6) Tune myself to listening to the Lord as he prompts me with prayer and praise. Maybe I could even start occasionally going to church again sometime in the next few months? I think I have been to church four times in the past two years. I am interested to see where that goes.
That's all that's on my mind right now, and it's time to get back to a paper that is half done that is due in 8 hours. Miles to go before I sleep, and Miles to go before I sleep.
This year for Lent, with no preparation at all, I decided to do a semi-Daniel fast again. The vegan part is just normal everyday eating for me, but I've cut out 100% of sweets, which is NOT normal. My grad school diet is, not exaggerating, about 15% cookies. Of course I feel great since I cut them out.
I'm adding occasional homemade fresh vegetable juice, and I allow myself cups of coffee when academic deadlines demand the caffeine, but I use it more as a drug than a pleasure (I've sort of lost my taste for it).
I've had one weird craving so far, and that was a ham sandwich with mayonnaise, which I haven't eaten in many years, even before I became a vegan. I think sometimes I just long for really normal American food because it would be so easy to find. Fluffy white spongey bread, deli meat, mayo, a little lettuce, yellow mustard. I'll never stop being a vegan because my health is perfect, but simplicity and convenience when it comes to food might be something I always miss.
Grad school has been a subdued spiritual time for me. There was a flurry of activity and change before I got here, but it has been extremely muted for my whole time at Yale. There has been so much going on with my intellect and my emotions that I've definitely been aware of my spiritual growth, but it's looked very different from my pre-Yale life. I am starting to see glimmers of a return of my prayer life and my desire to praise God and talk to Him in my journal, but they are sparse. I sense a big change when I graduate in a few months, plan the wedding, get married, and start my Vita Nuova as Mrs. Illingworth.
So the goals for the fast are:
1) Finish my masters degree with some degree of success
2) Get ready for the powerful winds of change that are about to blow through my life
3) Start to think about what virtue looks like as a married person, although I'll really focus on this over the summer as I prepare for the wedding.
4) Reflect on the many ways I have learned to be loving to people who have nothing to do with Christianity. Yale has brought an incredible diversity of people into my life, and I cherish the relationships I have with them. It has been an exceptionally positive experience, but I look forward to think about it more to see what's going on in these loves I have with people who are so different from me.
5) Really make the most out of my last few months at Yale. I love this place so much, and I want to see how I can draw the best of it into my next life chapter.
6) Tune myself to listening to the Lord as he prompts me with prayer and praise. Maybe I could even start occasionally going to church again sometime in the next few months? I think I have been to church four times in the past two years. I am interested to see where that goes.
That's all that's on my mind right now, and it's time to get back to a paper that is half done that is due in 8 hours. Miles to go before I sleep, and Miles to go before I sleep.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Horrible Beginning
My sixth consecutive day sick in bed is closing as I type. Last Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday, I fell suddenly extremely ill with the Influenza A virus (the same thing as Swine Flu, Bird Flu, H1N1) and pneumonia in one of my lungs. I had a 103 degree fever for four full days, fainted one time, took antibiotics that really upset my stomach, and had incredible difficulty breathing that is just now disappearing. Whew.
Needless to say, the opening moments of my Lenten season have been a far cry from the dazzling beginning to last year's fast. I knew this year would be different, but this has been so disappointing. I didn't even get to go to church on Ash Wednesday, and I had to break my fast a few times to drink apple juice when I couldn't stomach any other form of nourishment. I am going to try to go to class tomorrow for the first time in a week - here's hoping I don't pass out.
Lent is a time of forgetting (or at least lessening) your physical needs so you can focus on your spiritual ones. Pneumonia is a time of total consumption with your physical needs to the total exclusion of all others. This whole thing has begun backward, and I've missed one of my six precious weeks of Lent.
But perhaps there's a lesson there. When we fast, one of the most important things to remember is that it's about letting go. Fasting forces you to examine your motives pretty closely, and being totally physically and mentally leveled for a full week has cleared the decks in my thinking. I think I otherwise might have gone into this fast the same way I did last year - with a long list of "goals" and a structured format for all the prayers I wanted to say while I longed for a trip to the frozen yogurt shop.
This is not about the blessings but the Blesser, although the blessings are numerous. When Jesus tells people not to look miserable when they're fasting, he's saying that you can choose how rewarding you want this experience to be. If you look miserable to win the approval of others, you've already gotten your reward, which will be their silent applause. I take that to mean that you can also go into this hoping for spiritual direction, more discipline about eating well, and getting in better touch with temptation - and those will be your rewards, too. But you can also go into this with abandon, desiring nothing but God himself. That's always an option we can choose, in everything we do. Somehow feeling utterly miserable for a week has made me cheer and delight in this option, and all other hopes for Lent are lost. This season, I want not his, but Him.
So here goes. Late start - or maybe not.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Game Plan and Preparation
One week from today is Ash Wednesday, and I am so looking forward to it. It seems strange to be "really excited about Lent," but since I am a divinity school student I can say those kinds of things around my friends and it isn't too weird.
Since my whole life is about the academic study of God and Christianity, I think it's important to steer clear of anything really "formal" and try to tap into another method of communicating closely with the Lord. I don't think I can handle any more reading right now (as I write this I am postponing my planning for a lecture on St. Francis that I have to give tomorrow), so I want to try to write one sonnet a day. It'll be creative, it will make me really comfortable thinking in verse, and hopefully will give some structure (but a creative structure) to my prayer life. 46 sonnets in 46 days is a tall order, and I am guessing 43 of them will be truly terrible, but it's my offering.
I also can't wait to start the Daniel Fast again. I can't wait for that rush of health to hit me when the day begins, for the energy, that extra clean feeling - and a good reason to say no to a lot of things I shouldn't be eating anyway.
Dear Jesus, I pray you would begin to work in the hearts of all those who prepare themselves for Lenten observance. Rush to their care, and grant them the intimacy with you they crave. Teach each one what you would have them learn this season, and help us all to prepare for your glorious resurrection to occur anew in our hearts on Easter morning. Amen.
Since my whole life is about the academic study of God and Christianity, I think it's important to steer clear of anything really "formal" and try to tap into another method of communicating closely with the Lord. I don't think I can handle any more reading right now (as I write this I am postponing my planning for a lecture on St. Francis that I have to give tomorrow), so I want to try to write one sonnet a day. It'll be creative, it will make me really comfortable thinking in verse, and hopefully will give some structure (but a creative structure) to my prayer life. 46 sonnets in 46 days is a tall order, and I am guessing 43 of them will be truly terrible, but it's my offering.
I also can't wait to start the Daniel Fast again. I can't wait for that rush of health to hit me when the day begins, for the energy, that extra clean feeling - and a good reason to say no to a lot of things I shouldn't be eating anyway.
Dear Jesus, I pray you would begin to work in the hearts of all those who prepare themselves for Lenten observance. Rush to their care, and grant them the intimacy with you they crave. Teach each one what you would have them learn this season, and help us all to prepare for your glorious resurrection to occur anew in our hearts on Easter morning. Amen.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Lent 2012
Just about a month until Lent begins again, and I am planning.
I have kept up with my whole food vegan diet since Lent last year - I cheat a few times a month, but the spiritual and physical heath that I experienced during Lent was too good to give up last Easter.
I think I will go back to the Daniel Fast of last year. I was worried it wouldn't be enough of a change from my normal diet since I've remained a vegan, but the total abstinence from sweeteners, any beverages except water, leavened breads and solid fats will be a pretty big change. I also think I will do a total fast once or twice a week - maybe on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Instead of just not eating certain things to observe Lent, this year I'd like to add something that I'll do during this season. I've thought about gathering with friends to have a Bible Study, or that I would undertake a reading assignment on my own.
It was suggested by a friend of mine that a group of us gather to say the Daily Office. It consists of Morning Prayer, Daily Mass, Evening Prayer/Vespers, and Night Prayer. It would be challenging schedule-wise, but would certainly make for a well ordered Lent. Something to consider.
I am beginning to pray about this now. Life is so different this Lenten season than it was last year, and as much as I would like to repeat my 2011 experience exactly, I know there are new ways to grow that are appropriate to my new life. One of the first lessons I learned last year was that my specific expectations are somewhat irrelevant; fasting makes us attentive to that which God wants to do in our hearts, and we needn't wait long to have these desires revealed.
I have kept up with my whole food vegan diet since Lent last year - I cheat a few times a month, but the spiritual and physical heath that I experienced during Lent was too good to give up last Easter.
I think I will go back to the Daniel Fast of last year. I was worried it wouldn't be enough of a change from my normal diet since I've remained a vegan, but the total abstinence from sweeteners, any beverages except water, leavened breads and solid fats will be a pretty big change. I also think I will do a total fast once or twice a week - maybe on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Instead of just not eating certain things to observe Lent, this year I'd like to add something that I'll do during this season. I've thought about gathering with friends to have a Bible Study, or that I would undertake a reading assignment on my own.
It was suggested by a friend of mine that a group of us gather to say the Daily Office. It consists of Morning Prayer, Daily Mass, Evening Prayer/Vespers, and Night Prayer. It would be challenging schedule-wise, but would certainly make for a well ordered Lent. Something to consider.
I am beginning to pray about this now. Life is so different this Lenten season than it was last year, and as much as I would like to repeat my 2011 experience exactly, I know there are new ways to grow that are appropriate to my new life. One of the first lessons I learned last year was that my specific expectations are somewhat irrelevant; fasting makes us attentive to that which God wants to do in our hearts, and we needn't wait long to have these desires revealed.
New Desert
For Lent: "What is my new desert? The name of it is compassion. There is no wilderness so terrible, so beautiful, so arid and so fruitful as the wilderness of compassion. It is the only desert that shall truly flourish like the lily. It shall become a pool, it shall bud forth and blossom and rejoice with joy. It is in the desert of compassion that the thirsty land turns into springs of water, and that the poor possess all things."
-Thomas Merton
-Thomas Merton
Friday, June 17, 2011
Whole-Food, Plant-Based
The relationship between my body and spirit changed in such interesting ways during this fast. I cannot adequately describe my physical joy (can joy be physical?) in response to the diet component to this fast. I outlined the parameters below.
The beginning was certainly difficult as I got used to it, especially drinking only water. I interestingly found myself craving lamb (a meat I rarely eat) and grape juice. The comical Biblical nature of these foods aside, I can only imagine I was craving the richest meat and the richest juice, unless I was really craving a passover meal due to my heightened devotion. These craving soon subsided, however, and I found myself bounding out of bed at 7:00 a.m. ready to take the day and full of energy all day. I did not have one headache during the entire fast, and my body seemed to take on new life in every way.
I have since done a good deal of research about this whole-food, plant-based diet (euphamism for vegan - the word vegan makes people think you belong to a weird religion or something so I try to avoid it) and the medical findings are incredible. Everything humans need (with the exception of one B vitamin, B-12 I believe) can be found in exactly the right quanitites in plants, and I honestly see no reason to ever eat meat, eggs, or dairy ever again. I read The China Study and saw the documentary Forks Over Knives and have since put my whole family on this same diet (with some alterations - it's not the Daniel Fast entirely but it's very close). I think everyone should try it - it's so exciting.
Blogging Failure
I started this blog to keep track of my Lenten fast because I knew something important would happen. My Greek Orthodox friend Cliff, upon hearing about my fast, gave me an excellent little devotional called The Lenten Spring by Thomas Hopko. These are the opening words:
"The lenten spring shines forth,
the flower of repentance!
Let us cleanse ourselves from all evil,
crying out to the Giver of Light:
'Glory to you, O Lover of Man!'
"The Church welcomes the lenten spring with a spirit of exultation. She greets the time of repentence with the extectancy and ehtusiasm of a child entering into a new and exciting experience. The tone of the church services is one of brightness and light. The words are a clarion call to a spiritual contest, the invitation to a spiritual adventure, the summons to a spiritual feat. There is nothing gloomy here, nothing dark or remorseful, masochistic or morbid, anxious or hysterical, pietistic or sentimental."
This groundwork is essential. People of God are urged into reflection and repentence by joy, but I am amazed by how easily darker language creeps into the endeavor to make it seem like slavery. Especially now that I write this over a month after Easter, I agree the word to describe the lenten spring is exultation. However, the time was not without gloom, darkness, remorse, anxiety, sentiment, and even an episode or two of hysterics.
I once read about a Sufi master who taught, "One has achieved wisdom when he experiences immediate joy when sudden disappointment hits." I'm still working on the "immediate" part, but I learned this lenten spring that sorrow is, in the long run, an occasion for greater joy.
I couldn't keep up with this blog because there was too much to write about in too little time. I think I will still be trying to figure out my lenten spring of 2011 ten years from now. To write about it contemporaneously was impossible - blogs are so up-to-the-minute. I couldn't serve as both journalist and sojourner, at least not at the same time. I decided the latter was more important.
I began with a total fast (only water) at sundown the night before Ash Wednesday. Not 40 minutes after dark, I had already had two powerful "chance" encounters with old friends (in the middle of Hollywood Blvd, no less) and been forced to dredge up love and forgiveness that was humbling and convicting. That first week, old and forgotten friends flooded into my life through the floorboards, taking me on a Scrooge-esque tour of my life's friendships and allowing me to re-open sealed chambers so the Holy Spirit could rush through them with a swift, cleansing breeze. It was frankly rather shocking, and Hopko's words "invitation to a spiritual adventure" began to ring loud and clear.
It was a spiritual birthday to say the least - I celebrated leaving one age for a new one, complete with new temptations, greater responsibilities, and greater power to serve and love the Lord than I ever imagined. I hope I will be able to re-cap the experience so none of it will be lost.
"The lenten spring shines forth,
the flower of repentance!
Let us cleanse ourselves from all evil,
crying out to the Giver of Light:
'Glory to you, O Lover of Man!'
"The Church welcomes the lenten spring with a spirit of exultation. She greets the time of repentence with the extectancy and ehtusiasm of a child entering into a new and exciting experience. The tone of the church services is one of brightness and light. The words are a clarion call to a spiritual contest, the invitation to a spiritual adventure, the summons to a spiritual feat. There is nothing gloomy here, nothing dark or remorseful, masochistic or morbid, anxious or hysterical, pietistic or sentimental."
This groundwork is essential. People of God are urged into reflection and repentence by joy, but I am amazed by how easily darker language creeps into the endeavor to make it seem like slavery. Especially now that I write this over a month after Easter, I agree the word to describe the lenten spring is exultation. However, the time was not without gloom, darkness, remorse, anxiety, sentiment, and even an episode or two of hysterics.
I once read about a Sufi master who taught, "One has achieved wisdom when he experiences immediate joy when sudden disappointment hits." I'm still working on the "immediate" part, but I learned this lenten spring that sorrow is, in the long run, an occasion for greater joy.
I couldn't keep up with this blog because there was too much to write about in too little time. I think I will still be trying to figure out my lenten spring of 2011 ten years from now. To write about it contemporaneously was impossible - blogs are so up-to-the-minute. I couldn't serve as both journalist and sojourner, at least not at the same time. I decided the latter was more important.
I began with a total fast (only water) at sundown the night before Ash Wednesday. Not 40 minutes after dark, I had already had two powerful "chance" encounters with old friends (in the middle of Hollywood Blvd, no less) and been forced to dredge up love and forgiveness that was humbling and convicting. That first week, old and forgotten friends flooded into my life through the floorboards, taking me on a Scrooge-esque tour of my life's friendships and allowing me to re-open sealed chambers so the Holy Spirit could rush through them with a swift, cleansing breeze. It was frankly rather shocking, and Hopko's words "invitation to a spiritual adventure" began to ring loud and clear.
It was a spiritual birthday to say the least - I celebrated leaving one age for a new one, complete with new temptations, greater responsibilities, and greater power to serve and love the Lord than I ever imagined. I hope I will be able to re-cap the experience so none of it will be lost.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Day One - Ash Wednesday and the Body
Day One - it officially begins!
In response to Anna's last e-mail, I am reflective about the opportunity Lenten and fasting provides for us to think about the theology of the body. Lent is all about the miracle of the Incarnation, and about how Jesus was able to overcome bodily affliction after bodily affliction through his many healing miracles and, ultimately, the resurrection of his own body after death. What are we not understanding about our bodies if we don't see their worth the way he did? Jesus probably could have made a much more spectacular display with his return if he'd boomed over all the earth in a loud voice and turned the sky bright orange and made his presence known to everyone, but even this - the most spectacular miracle to have ever been performed in the history of the universe - was done in and with a frail, pink, weak little human body.
We'll get to a pretty neat passage in Daniel in a few days that talks about one of the visions Daniel has in a dream about the different kingdoms that will come to reign on earth. He sees a series of beasts - 4 of them - and one is more horrifying than the last in fierceness, power, ugliness, and violence. And then in Daniel's dream a final being appears: just a normal Son of Man, coming in peace. And of course it is the kingdom symbolized in the body of a man that will never pass away.
I have been preparing for about two or three weeks now, and I am so excited it's beginning. I am kicking things off with an absolute fast that I began at sundown last night - just water for 24 hours.
The traditional "fasting" pains are setting in now - it's 12:25 p.m. and my body is wanting some lunch. I'm a little headachey and weak. But as I sit here and think about Jesus' body, I'm touched by a profound holy paradox - Jesus demonstrated unprecedented power and might by coming to live in such a weak and fragile shape. My body feels so weak and fragile right now - it's only been about 18 hours since I've eaten and I'm getting edgy. But through embracing and understanding weakness, we invite God to act miraculously. God loves to give power to the powerless. I am thankful for the powerlessness of my body today as I anticipate the new ways it will grow the house the Lord in the next 6 weeks.
Heading to the 7:30 Ash Wednesday service at St. Matthew's Episcopal Church in the Palisades tonight. So looking forward to the silent time of prayer and joining together with the body of Christ to begin this wonderful season.
I pray for blessings upon everyone joining in some sort of fast today. What exciting things await.
A "Housesitter Approach" to Our Bodies
Some thoughts from Anna:
So far, I have been training for the fast by avoiding most things non-plantish. What a difference in two things:
#1: My cravings! Gone! I had a bite of homemade apple pie last night and regretted it immediately not because the pie wasn't tasty, but because my stomach grumbled about it the whole night and my taste buds recoiled with the exclamation, "No more! Please! We'll DIE of sweetness!"
How convenient that our appetites begin to correspond to our ideals, once we take the step and begin a new lifestyle. It reminds me of faith, in that sense. You have to step out of your usual rut and embrace something new. There is a withdrawal period, where all you can think consuming are the things you shouldn't. Eventually, your palate adjusts like a connoisseur. You train yourself to appreciate what once seemed a subtlety as a vibrancy of flavor. Ephesians 5 talks about foolish talk and course jesting being far from us, since it is unfitting for children of light. Yet, how often do we indulge in that one witty come-back with as little thought as that invested in a bag of Doritos? I pray for there to be something distinctly natural and wholesome about what that passes through my mouth this lent. Like Jesus said, it is what comes out that defiles you. That means words. May our words be seasoned with the myriad flavors of God, and may we fill up on the diverse banquet He sets before us in Who He is. May His presence pour into our souls like water, cleansing us with new life and purity, filling us to overflowing.
#2 My attitude toward my body. It's high time I started treating my body like it really is: a holy place that God chooses to inhabit. I remember someone at a yoga studio saying, "Your body is your home. You are in it for the rest of your life. Treat it well. Show love and care for it. Honor it. It will serve you as well as you serve it." That was such a foreign concept to me, and it needs to be preached from the pulpit. Until that yoga session, I viewed my body as the "flesh," against which I am to declare war while battling to squeeze into next summer's bathing suit. It occurs to me now that the flesh Paul is talking about is really not the material thing itself. That meat and boney part of me is good. It can't help the law of entropy or disease. The body should NOT be seen as the source for temptation, although it certainly furnishes the conditions. Eve ate out of desire for unnatural power and knowledge, not out of physical hunger. My body is just a house leased by a mostly irresponsible tenant, my will. My body is already subjected to my will. The problem is, my will behaves more like a bad housesitter than an owner. God bought it and arranged for me to have a free lease; now its up to me to take full responsibility and treat it like He would want me to. Gratitude ought to be my motivation for one of the best gifts He has entrusted to me. "You are not your own, you were bought with a price. Therefore, honor God with your body."
Does God love our bodies? If so, how can we practice loving our bodies the way God would want us to?
Anna
So far, I have been training for the fast by avoiding most things non-plantish. What a difference in two things:
#1: My cravings! Gone! I had a bite of homemade apple pie last night and regretted it immediately not because the pie wasn't tasty, but because my stomach grumbled about it the whole night and my taste buds recoiled with the exclamation, "No more! Please! We'll DIE of sweetness!"
How convenient that our appetites begin to correspond to our ideals, once we take the step and begin a new lifestyle. It reminds me of faith, in that sense. You have to step out of your usual rut and embrace something new. There is a withdrawal period, where all you can think consuming are the things you shouldn't. Eventually, your palate adjusts like a connoisseur. You train yourself to appreciate what once seemed a subtlety as a vibrancy of flavor. Ephesians 5 talks about foolish talk and course jesting being far from us, since it is unfitting for children of light. Yet, how often do we indulge in that one witty come-back with as little thought as that invested in a bag of Doritos? I pray for there to be something distinctly natural and wholesome about what that passes through my mouth this lent. Like Jesus said, it is what comes out that defiles you. That means words. May our words be seasoned with the myriad flavors of God, and may we fill up on the diverse banquet He sets before us in Who He is. May His presence pour into our souls like water, cleansing us with new life and purity, filling us to overflowing.
#2 My attitude toward my body. It's high time I started treating my body like it really is: a holy place that God chooses to inhabit. I remember someone at a yoga studio saying, "Your body is your home. You are in it for the rest of your life. Treat it well. Show love and care for it. Honor it. It will serve you as well as you serve it." That was such a foreign concept to me, and it needs to be preached from the pulpit. Until that yoga session, I viewed my body as the "flesh," against which I am to declare war while battling to squeeze into next summer's bathing suit. It occurs to me now that the flesh Paul is talking about is really not the material thing itself. That meat and boney part of me is good. It can't help the law of entropy or disease. The body should NOT be seen as the source for temptation, although it certainly furnishes the conditions. Eve ate out of desire for unnatural power and knowledge, not out of physical hunger. My body is just a house leased by a mostly irresponsible tenant, my will. My body is already subjected to my will. The problem is, my will behaves more like a bad housesitter than an owner. God bought it and arranged for me to have a free lease; now its up to me to take full responsibility and treat it like He would want me to. Gratitude ought to be my motivation for one of the best gifts He has entrusted to me. "You are not your own, you were bought with a price. Therefore, honor God with your body."
Does God love our bodies? If so, how can we practice loving our bodies the way God would want us to?
Anna
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Getting Ready
Anna and I have had many conversations about the importance of preparing for a fast. People always have good intentions when they wake up and decide, "I think I'll fast today," but in the past few months I've found that I get ten times more out of it if I plan at least a few days in advance. This allows me to get both my spirit and my body ready. I can start toning down my food intake so I'm not shocked and starving when I first begin, and, more importantly, I can start asking the Lord what HE might want to communicate to me. I always go into a fast with some sort of goal or prayer, and every time I re-learn that fasting is really about listening.
So to get my body ready, I am stocking my kitchen (this is from a trip to the farmers' market in Camarillo) and experimenting with some vegan recipes:
Today I made some kale chips:
I read a lot of health blogs, and kale chips are a food item I've always thought was for crazy vegans. But I tried these, and they were delish. I preheated the oven to 350, washed the kale and tore it into chip-sized pieces (bigger than you'd think), and tossed them with 1 tablespoon olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic powder. I followed a recipe that said to bake them for 35 minutes, but I took them out at 25 and they were totally toasted. 15 minutes did the trick on my next batch.
To do the more important preparing to get me mentally and spiritually ready, I am reading Richard Foster's book Celebration of Discipline. I went through this book in a small group last year, and I am thrilled to be rereading it. It's such a good one. Pick it up if you don't have a copy. I'm sure I'll include selections from my reading as I make it through the fast.
So to get my body ready, I am stocking my kitchen (this is from a trip to the farmers' market in Camarillo) and experimenting with some vegan recipes:
Today I made some kale chips:
I read a lot of health blogs, and kale chips are a food item I've always thought was for crazy vegans. But I tried these, and they were delish. I preheated the oven to 350, washed the kale and tore it into chip-sized pieces (bigger than you'd think), and tossed them with 1 tablespoon olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic powder. I followed a recipe that said to bake them for 35 minutes, but I took them out at 25 and they were totally toasted. 15 minutes did the trick on my next batch.
To do the more important preparing to get me mentally and spiritually ready, I am reading Richard Foster's book Celebration of Discipline. I went through this book in a small group last year, and I am thrilled to be rereading it. It's such a good one. Pick it up if you don't have a copy. I'm sure I'll include selections from my reading as I make it through the fast.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Fast: What We Are and Aren't Eating
This is from Daniel 1:12-16 - "Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants [Daniel and his three buddies] in accordance with what you see...At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead."
The word "vegetables" is used here, but it originally read "pulse," which means anything that grows from a seed. So this fast includes anything in that genre, and nothing but water to drink.
This includes:
All Fruits
All Vegetables
All Whole Grains
All Nuts and Seeds
All Legumes
All Quality Oils from Plants
This excludes:
All Meat and Animal Products (that means eggs)
All Dairy
The word "vegetables" is used here, but it originally read "pulse," which means anything that grows from a seed. So this fast includes anything in that genre, and nothing but water to drink.
This includes:
All Fruits
All Vegetables
All Whole Grains
All Nuts and Seeds
All Legumes
All Quality Oils from Plants
This excludes:
All Meat and Animal Products (that means eggs)
All Dairy
All Sweeteners - even if they come from plants (that means honey, maple syrup, molassas, cane juice, stevia, and any sugar deriviative or synthetic sweetener). The only sweet items allowed are actual whole pieces of fruit.
Leavened Bread
Anything Refined or Processed (this is sometimes called "enriched" food on labels)
Anything Deep Fried
All Solid Fats (shortening, margerine, Earth Balance, etc.)
Any Beverage That Isn't Water (including coffee, tea, and water flavored in any way)
Leavened Bread
Anything Refined or Processed (this is sometimes called "enriched" food on labels)
Anything Deep Fried
All Solid Fats (shortening, margerine, Earth Balance, etc.)
Any Beverage That Isn't Water (including coffee, tea, and water flavored in any way)
Our Plan of Action - Scripture Reading
Dearest Anna,
This could very well be too ambitious, especially considering your travel schedule, but this could work for our readings. What if we read one chapter every day from four different books, starting with Daniel (12 days), then the Song of Solomon (8 days), then Hebrews (13 days), then Mark (16 days). That actually totals 49 days, but I figure we can squeeze in a little more of the Gospel of Mark as we get closer to Easter - Mark is the shortest gospel and doubling up chapters for the last few days would be easy. Here is my thinking:
1. Daniel - I already explained this above, but I think it would be great to get to know Daniel and his prayers and his relationship with God as we begin his fast.
2. The Song of Solomon - It seems logical to make this portion of the fast something personal. I think regardless of relationship status it could be fulfilling for both of us to spend 8 of our fasting days thinking about the romance issue - it's on both of our minds a lot I know, and I think we would both benefit and be grateful for revelation, clarity, and greater faith on the topic. Let's spend those 8 days figuring out what God has in mind for our marriages.
3. Hebrews - I haven't spent much time at all with Hebrews in my life, and I think 13 days in this book would be a wonderful time for study to see what God will reveal without any other agenda or petition from us. I want to read this book to see what God will do and reveal when I just give Him a blank slate to work with.
4. Mark - leading up to Easter, I would love to spend the end of our fast focusing on Christ's story on earth and on his sacrifice, on his relationships with other people, on his prayers, and on his own fasting. I pray that this phase of the fast will teach us more about Christ the man, the we could become more like him and grow to love Him more than ever before. And then - hooray! We will celebrate his everlasting life and resurrection on Easter!
We should use the outline you put in your last e-mail as our guide for reading and contemplation as we make it through these books. In all of it, we seek:
1) stronger prayer
2) God's guidance
3) humility before God
4) greater concern for God's work
5) sensitivity to and willingness to act in response to the needs of others
6) resistance to temptation and dedication to God
7) the ability to express love and worship to God in new, stronger ways.
Those things are so good. I am going to print out that outline to keep in my Bible so I can review them before and after each daily reading.
Okay, that is all for now, but I am sure I will have more and more to say.
I love you so! Thank you for your prayers that my time with the Lord would be fruitfull and blessed - it CERTAINLY has been!
Love,
Catherine
The Story Behind the Daniel Fast
Anna,
Since we are doing a fast from Daniel, I just read through a few chapters of the book to put it in context. Here's how the fast came to be:
Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylon, took over Jerusalem in about 539 BC. Shortly thereafter, he wanted to take the best and brightest of the youth of his kingdom to train and educate to work for him. Among the young men chosen was Daniel, along with a few others from Judah. All of these specially chosen students were to eat food specially set aside for them from the King's table. Daniel and the other Jewish students didn't want eat the "defiled" royal food, so he asked his guard if he could have just vegetables and water. The guard knew he would be in trouble if the Jewish kids were for some reason skinnier and in poorer health than the rest (which he assumed would happen if he didn't eat the king's food), so David told him to let them test the vegetable-and-water diet for ten days.
"At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead. To these four young men God gave knowledge and understanding of all kinds of literature and learning. And Daniel could understand visions and dreams of all kinds." Then these four Jewish guys who had been fasting were ten times better than the other students, and were therefore taken into the King's service professionally.
I think this story makes this particular fast even more perfect for us, Anna. If you think about it, he was first in a selection program for education and then after that in a very competitive selection process for a job. Anna that's exactly where we are! It was during those trials of Daniel's life that he followed this fast to honor God, and because of it was placed in the position of influence that allowed a lifetime of visions and miracles to happen in the kingdom. This fast itself is a fast for preparation for vocation and calling. Go glance through the first few chapters of Daniel. I just read through chapter 10 and I am amazed.
Daniel fasts a second time at the beginning of chapter 10, this time because he is in a state of mourning. In book 9 he says a long prayer in which he expresses humility, worship, confession and petition. The period of Lent is meant for that, sort of. I've been reading about it today, and most church traditions seem to agree that during lent we are supposed to mourn our sinfulness, acquaint ourselves more fully with Christ's sacrifice, and get ready to celebrate Christ's resurrection like crazy on Easter. The first 10 chapters of Daniel also contain three visions about different kingdoms that rise and fall before Christ comes to establish His everlasting kingdom - which is also great preparation for Easter in a more historical sense.
Love,
Catherine
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
You Have Not Traveled This Way Before
Worship through Fasting and Prayer
“'You have not traveled this way before.' Joshua told the people, 'Ritually consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will perform miraculous deeds among you.'"
Joshua 3:4b-5
Dear Catherine,
Here are some thoughts to contemplate about this 45 days of consecration. Although some of this applies to refraining from meals altogether, I hope these thoughts can help us to make the most of this period of the Daniel fast.
Before I start, let me say… I will be in China March 15-April 1st, so I will have to be flexible in my fasting since I don’t know what will be served. When I have a choice, I want to limit myself to a plant-based diet and water. As a guest, I will need to be sensitive to cultural expectations.
I hope we can communicate through email, though I can’t guarantee it. It will mean a lot to me to know you are praying for our trip during the fast and that we are reading the same passages of Scripture together. How should we divide up Hebrews? (13 chapters, 45 days)
Reasons for Fasting
More than what we abstain from, we commit to focus on the spiritual purposes. In reading through some material, it seems best for me to approach this time for the purpose of worship, with fasting and prayer as my primary means. I decided this after reviewing the following list of reasons:
Reasons to Fast Include: (from Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald S. Whitney)
- Strengthening prayer
Fasting “hoists the sails of the soul in hopes of experiencing the gracious wind of God’s spirit.”
- Seeking God’s guidance
- Humbling oneself before God
Fast not to be noticed by others unless absolutely necessary.
- Expressing concern for God’s work
Fasting draws us “into a more complete realization of the purposes of the Lord in our life, church, community, and nation.”
- Ministering to the needs of others
- Fasting can be used as a time dedicated specifically to meeting others’ needs
- Fasting can help me empathize with those whose needs are unmet
- Overcoming temptation and dedicating oneself to God
- Fasting is a way to express to God that He is my greatest pleasure, my portion, my priority in everything, even food.
- Thoughts of food will prompt not just praises, but questions of God and to inquire what He might desire of us in this season of our lives.
- Expressing love and worship of God
Do any of these jump out to you?
Fasting as Worship
This last reason jumped out to me. Like I said, I’ve always admired Anna, the prophetess, in Luke 2 who, “never left the temple but worshiped day and night with fasting and prayer.” Her example encompasses all of the listed reasons. Other things about her to note:
-She was a woman of Scripture
-She was a gifted communicator who spoke about Jesus to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem
-She approached the infant Jesus and immediately recognized him. I want to be able to recognize the presence of God as He reveals himself to me.
-She gave thanks to God constantly
-Worship was her primary reason for fasting and prayer
Another aspect of fasting, as we mentioned, is to prepare us for the feast of Easter Sunday in which we express our deep gratitude for receiving His sacrifice. I so look forward to the way this may prepare our hearts for that day!
Any thoughts you want to add to this?
Love to you!
Anna
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