Another Lenten season begins!
I did not expect that this Lent would be a big one.
The other day I was reading the final few cantos of Purgatorio - normally not among my favorite parts of the poem - but I came across a section in canto 31 that practically enacted an ontological change in me. Dante has just encountered Beatrice in the Garden of Eden and is shaking in his boots to find himself in her presence. And she doesn't make it easy for him. She confronts him instantly for turning his love from her and all Holy Goodness to lesser things - some other girl, other concerns that couldn't possibly bless him. She says his "wings should not have been weighted down only to await more blows." At the sound of this rebuke Dante loses the ability to speak and collapses into sobs.
"As a crossbow cracks, when it is loosed after
cord and bow have been drawn too far, and the
bolt strikes the target with less force:
so I broke under this heavy burden, gasping
forth tears and sighs, and my voice was weakened
along its passage.
Therefore she to me: 'Within your desires for
me, which were leading you to love the Good
beyond which there is nothing one can aspire to,
what ditches across your way, or what chains did
you find, that you should so strip yourself of the
hope of passing beyond them?
And what comforts or what advantages did you
see displayed on others' brows, that you should
parade before them?" (Purg. 31.16-30)
My time at UCLA has consisted of a continuous drawing back of the crossbow. Aimed at a singular, impossible goal, I have drawn that cord tighter, tighter, tighter during every moment that I've been in this program. If I stay up later. If I read another page. If I apply for another thing. If I try harder in my writing. Even when all of this started to make me really stressed and anxious, I approached wellness like the sharpening of another weapon that would help me succeed professionally. The only reason I paid attention to my stress and anxiety was that it was interfering with my work. And so the visits to CAPS, dedication to an exercise routine, writing groups, timing my workday for maximum productivity, the right white noise machine, the perfect study partners, the right diet. And so on.
Ever since Memorial Day of last year, a few days before my Masters exam, I have been entirely overcome with fear. I have felt so powerless and worthless that I haven't been recognizable to myself. I spent my whole summer in Italy feeling numb and paralyzed. The fall quarter contained enough of a familiar rhythm to allow me to cruise blindly and quietly for a while, but work started taking me twice as long and I found I had little to give. I felt some refreshment over Christmas break, but as soon as school started again in January, I descended into a depression so deep that my loved ones feared leaving me alone. Every time I sought professional help I was prescribed more medication and more therapy, and I was diagnosed with PTSD. Work has been next to impossible. My little Latin assignments that took an hour last quarter have taken me three to four hours, if I can manage them at all. My future has seemed so cloudy that I haven't been even able to imagine it. The pressure to constitute exam lists and get ready for a huge performance in June has been crippling. I've so longed to desire things, or even be able to hope for a better future. It's actually amazing to me how totally convinced I was that I had no value.
Last week the cord on that crossbow was finally drawn tight enough that I, too, broke under this heavy burden. It was violent. And I, too, gasped forth tears and felt like I was going to suffocate. I uttered the name of God in the weakest possible voice, and then started compulsively saying "It's over," over and over again. I meant that I was over. My future. My career. My worth and goodness. My personhood. My bright life, my bright self, losing my grasp on the tail end of the cord of my being and dissipating into a sinking, deep nothingness. It's over.
In that moment, I happened to glance at Instagram and came upon a short clip that said:
"What do you do when you're at the end of your rope? When you've done everything you can think of and the situation is still staring you in the face. What do you do? You pray the first line of Psalm 118:
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, for His Mercy endures forever.
But things are not turning out!
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, for His Mercy endures forever.
But it looks like the devil is winning!
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, for His Mercy endures forever.
These are the words that Jehosaphat put in the mouths of his soldiers and by the time they came to the battlefield, the enemies fought among themselves, and they spent the next few days collecting the jewels the enemy had left behind."
Within an instant, I forgot myself and remembered God's goodness. Making yourself the protagonist of your own story is perhaps the most damaging thing you can do. Suddenly all of that tension was broken, and the entire apparatus was shattered.
I am opting out of the tension now. It is God who hold my future. It is God who bestows my worth. The hold of all of my mental diseases, my disordered thinking about myself, my obsession with excelling under assessment - it is all broken now.
It's 11:57PM and Ash Wednesday is three minutes away. I have to write one more page of a conference paper that is a day late. It's hard work, and I am very tired.
I do not expect the rest of this road to be easy, and my labors in scholarship have only just begun. But I am no longer the glistening weapon drawn back under tighter and tighter tension. I am a sheep in the flock. Simple and humble, content to be shepherded among my fellow sheep by He who directs me. It will not be without pain and difficulty, but it matters less now, for this is not my story. This is God's story.
So I head into this season of Lent in joyful, relieved surrender. I am going to fast tomorrow, and I will see what happens when I begin the Daniel Fast for the remainder of Lent. I hold it with open hands. My intension is to worship God and read his Word constantly. I step into this Lent in a posture of rest, and I want to be sheltered behind his shield and beneath his wing, and eat from the garden he has created for me. Let his name be praise. Give thanks to Him for He is good, and His mercy endures forever. Amen.
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Mardi Gras 2016
It feels strange every time I say I am excited about Lent, but I know too well the delight of drawing closer to God for a special period of time. I have so enjoyed preparing for Lent over the past couple of weeks. I've been reading through my favorite devotional, The Lenten Spring by Thomas Hopko, and it always starts out with the loveliest exultation. Lent is an invitation to a spiritual adventure, he says, and it is our way of learning to rejoice differently. We normally express our joy with lavish meals, champagne, and my personal celebration of choice, a cold martini. Those things are wonderful, and we are encouraged by God to indulge in them to our delight. However, there are different ways to celebrate that go beyond our first-level appetites - those put forth by the body - and instead focus on indulging our spiritual ones.
Our spiritual appetites make their presence known more subtly, but they are the forces that truly determine the state of the soul. An underfed spirit brings about depression, stress, worry, insecurity, jealousy, exhaustion. And in turn, these things impact the body in significant ways. Lenten fasting is not about denying our first-level appetites to bring about some random suffering. Lenten fasting is about setting those appetites completely to the side for six weeks to dig deeply into the nourishment of the spirit. Fasting shouldn't make you think more about food - fasting should make you forget food entirely, only seeking the fuel that is necessary for health.
But in the same way an underfed spirit leads to a sick and unhappy body, so a nourished spirit creates a thriving body. This was the unexpected result of my first fast - and the story of Daniel's three-year fast during the Babylonian captivity. He was chosen to be an elite member of the King's guard, and therefore he was expected to dine on the rich, luxurious food from the King's table. Daniel and his three buddies told the guard in charge of them that they only wanted plants and water - they were the only Israelites in the group, and they didn't want to eat this non-kosher diet. The guard was sure they'd become frail and sick, and Daniel agreed they would eat from the King's table if their appearance, strength, or endurance suffered in the least bit. The guard allowed them a ten-day trial period.
"At the end of the ten days it was observed that they appeared better than all the young men who had been eating the royal rations. So the guard continued to withdraw their royal rations and the wine they were to drink, and gave them vegetables and water. To these four young men God gave knowledge and skill in every aspect of literature and wisdom." (Daniel 1:15-17)
This is not a story of deprivation. It's a story of prioritizing the spirit and forgetting about the body for a little while. We are not being punished, nor are we punishing ourselves. It's an opportunity for surrender to God. We say each morning, "God, what do you have for me this day?" instead of reaching for coffee or a piece of toast. It creates pauses. It interrupts our social eating and drinking routines. And as our spirits are nourished by this, we are simultaneously transformed in every aspect of physical health as well.
My fast was the end of headaches for me. My skin was shining and clear. My hair got thicker. My vision was clearer. My blood pressure dropped through the floor. I kicked caffeine and sugar addictions. I slept phenomenally well. I dropped my college weight. I felt actually interested in exercise for the first time. I realized how good my body was capable of feeling - all as a byproduct of laying all things aside to pray, read, and dwell with God for 6 short weeks. And these things have remained permanent. This is the body that houses a nourished spirit.
I pray that all Christians who are fasting this season will experience a wash of holiness, forgetting the body's many demands and focusing instead on the indwelling of the Holy Spirit within them.
Our spiritual appetites make their presence known more subtly, but they are the forces that truly determine the state of the soul. An underfed spirit brings about depression, stress, worry, insecurity, jealousy, exhaustion. And in turn, these things impact the body in significant ways. Lenten fasting is not about denying our first-level appetites to bring about some random suffering. Lenten fasting is about setting those appetites completely to the side for six weeks to dig deeply into the nourishment of the spirit. Fasting shouldn't make you think more about food - fasting should make you forget food entirely, only seeking the fuel that is necessary for health.
But in the same way an underfed spirit leads to a sick and unhappy body, so a nourished spirit creates a thriving body. This was the unexpected result of my first fast - and the story of Daniel's three-year fast during the Babylonian captivity. He was chosen to be an elite member of the King's guard, and therefore he was expected to dine on the rich, luxurious food from the King's table. Daniel and his three buddies told the guard in charge of them that they only wanted plants and water - they were the only Israelites in the group, and they didn't want to eat this non-kosher diet. The guard was sure they'd become frail and sick, and Daniel agreed they would eat from the King's table if their appearance, strength, or endurance suffered in the least bit. The guard allowed them a ten-day trial period.
"At the end of the ten days it was observed that they appeared better than all the young men who had been eating the royal rations. So the guard continued to withdraw their royal rations and the wine they were to drink, and gave them vegetables and water. To these four young men God gave knowledge and skill in every aspect of literature and wisdom." (Daniel 1:15-17)
This is not a story of deprivation. It's a story of prioritizing the spirit and forgetting about the body for a little while. We are not being punished, nor are we punishing ourselves. It's an opportunity for surrender to God. We say each morning, "God, what do you have for me this day?" instead of reaching for coffee or a piece of toast. It creates pauses. It interrupts our social eating and drinking routines. And as our spirits are nourished by this, we are simultaneously transformed in every aspect of physical health as well.
My fast was the end of headaches for me. My skin was shining and clear. My hair got thicker. My vision was clearer. My blood pressure dropped through the floor. I kicked caffeine and sugar addictions. I slept phenomenally well. I dropped my college weight. I felt actually interested in exercise for the first time. I realized how good my body was capable of feeling - all as a byproduct of laying all things aside to pray, read, and dwell with God for 6 short weeks. And these things have remained permanent. This is the body that houses a nourished spirit.
I pray that all Christians who are fasting this season will experience a wash of holiness, forgetting the body's many demands and focusing instead on the indwelling of the Holy Spirit within them.
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Preparation: Lent 2016
I do enjoy having a blog that absolutely nobody reads - it's like a journal. I've been keeping this one since my first Lenten fast in 2011, the 6 weeks that completely transformed my life. It was my first experience with the Daniel Fast, which brought about my transition to truly perfect health, and my first awakening to the meaning of Easter. I have not been the same in body or spirit since then.
I haven't ever been able to replicate that first Lenten experience, but I haven't needed to because the result of the first time has not wavered for me in the least. But fasting always has something to offer, I think, and I am excited to see what it will be this year.
As I wrote on this blog a few years ago, Lenten fasting is about placing Easter at the center of your daily life. We fast to shift our focus from the day-to-day needs that overcome us to the miracle of Christ. We properly order our pleasure and our restraint and live in peace with our bodies and our selves. What a joy.
Because I am now way more Anglican than I have been in years past, I am excited to go through this Lent with the Episcopal church in Koreatown. I think it'll be lots of fun.
From the Ash Wednesday liturgy in the Book of Common Prayer:
"I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God's holy word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance, and as a mark of our mortal nature, let us now kneel before the Lord, our maker and redeemer."
I haven't ever been able to replicate that first Lenten experience, but I haven't needed to because the result of the first time has not wavered for me in the least. But fasting always has something to offer, I think, and I am excited to see what it will be this year.
As I wrote on this blog a few years ago, Lenten fasting is about placing Easter at the center of your daily life. We fast to shift our focus from the day-to-day needs that overcome us to the miracle of Christ. We properly order our pleasure and our restraint and live in peace with our bodies and our selves. What a joy.
Because I am now way more Anglican than I have been in years past, I am excited to go through this Lent with the Episcopal church in Koreatown. I think it'll be lots of fun.
From the Ash Wednesday liturgy in the Book of Common Prayer:
"I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God's holy word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance, and as a mark of our mortal nature, let us now kneel before the Lord, our maker and redeemer."
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Week One, Year Four
What a wonderful first week! So far this fast is doing everything I had hoped - it is restoring my health, and my spirits have been wonderfully high since I started on Ash Wednesday. I have been doing some wonderful reading, particularly having to do with the depression I've been feeling since Greer left. It's one of those things where the first step is the hardest part, but fasting, reading, exercising, and otherwise choosing only healthy habits have all paid off bigtime. I had friends visiting me all week (friends from Yale who are about to move to Waco to start teaching at Baylor), and it was a real pleasure to be with friends who know me well.
I have a read a lot of articles online lately about incorrect Lenten fasting (go to divinity school and your Facebook feed will light up on Ash Wednesday). A lot of articles have argued that one shouldn't partake of fasts that will deliver health benefits because it is distracting from the "real reason" to observe Lent. I completely disagree. First of all, there is substantially more motivation to obey an eating plan when it's part of a fast. I have tried to do the Daniel Fast purely for health benefits, and I always fail. I crave the special proximity to God that I feel during Lent, and that is why I can obey these extreme rules. Am I doing this as some sort of "payment" to God to buy his attention and favor? Absolutely not. Fasting puts Easter at the center of the rhythms of my day, and that is the whole purpose. It doesn't do anything for God for me to not eat meat and candy.
The health benefits are a huge part of it also. When I do this fast, I have this feeling of physical lightness or cleanness, and it makes me think less about my body. My choices are simple every day, I have only fruits and vegetables to choose, and I feel wonderful.
It has been an excellent first week, filled with calmness, good sleep, and peace. Onward to Easter.
I have a read a lot of articles online lately about incorrect Lenten fasting (go to divinity school and your Facebook feed will light up on Ash Wednesday). A lot of articles have argued that one shouldn't partake of fasts that will deliver health benefits because it is distracting from the "real reason" to observe Lent. I completely disagree. First of all, there is substantially more motivation to obey an eating plan when it's part of a fast. I have tried to do the Daniel Fast purely for health benefits, and I always fail. I crave the special proximity to God that I feel during Lent, and that is why I can obey these extreme rules. Am I doing this as some sort of "payment" to God to buy his attention and favor? Absolutely not. Fasting puts Easter at the center of the rhythms of my day, and that is the whole purpose. It doesn't do anything for God for me to not eat meat and candy.
The health benefits are a huge part of it also. When I do this fast, I have this feeling of physical lightness or cleanness, and it makes me think less about my body. My choices are simple every day, I have only fruits and vegetables to choose, and I feel wonderful.
It has been an excellent first week, filled with calmness, good sleep, and peace. Onward to Easter.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Lent 2014
Year four of Lenten observance.
I'm in Texas this time, living alone, working at Baylor, waiting to see once again what the Daniel Fast holds for me. It is just now sundown on the night before Ash Wednesday. Only water until sundown tomorrow, then just vegetables until Easter.
Dear Lord, my need of you is great this year. My husband is deployed to Afghanistan, the road beyond that is unclear. This year has been full of feasting. The past few weeks have been a famine. Restore it now with a holy fast.
Amen.
I'm in Texas this time, living alone, working at Baylor, waiting to see once again what the Daniel Fast holds for me. It is just now sundown on the night before Ash Wednesday. Only water until sundown tomorrow, then just vegetables until Easter.
Dear Lord, my need of you is great this year. My husband is deployed to Afghanistan, the road beyond that is unclear. This year has been full of feasting. The past few weeks have been a famine. Restore it now with a holy fast.
Amen.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Lent 2013
Blogging about my Lenten fasts never works out, but I like the little snippets I've written down here. Here I am, year three, and the power of Lent 2011 is still with me. I've stayed a vegan ever since then, now as passionately as ever, and the whole family has followed suit. It's wonderful.
This year for Lent, with no preparation at all, I decided to do a semi-Daniel fast again. The vegan part is just normal everyday eating for me, but I've cut out 100% of sweets, which is NOT normal. My grad school diet is, not exaggerating, about 15% cookies. Of course I feel great since I cut them out.
I'm adding occasional homemade fresh vegetable juice, and I allow myself cups of coffee when academic deadlines demand the caffeine, but I use it more as a drug than a pleasure (I've sort of lost my taste for it).
I've had one weird craving so far, and that was a ham sandwich with mayonnaise, which I haven't eaten in many years, even before I became a vegan. I think sometimes I just long for really normal American food because it would be so easy to find. Fluffy white spongey bread, deli meat, mayo, a little lettuce, yellow mustard. I'll never stop being a vegan because my health is perfect, but simplicity and convenience when it comes to food might be something I always miss.
Grad school has been a subdued spiritual time for me. There was a flurry of activity and change before I got here, but it has been extremely muted for my whole time at Yale. There has been so much going on with my intellect and my emotions that I've definitely been aware of my spiritual growth, but it's looked very different from my pre-Yale life. I am starting to see glimmers of a return of my prayer life and my desire to praise God and talk to Him in my journal, but they are sparse. I sense a big change when I graduate in a few months, plan the wedding, get married, and start my Vita Nuova as Mrs. Illingworth.
So the goals for the fast are:
1) Finish my masters degree with some degree of success
2) Get ready for the powerful winds of change that are about to blow through my life
3) Start to think about what virtue looks like as a married person, although I'll really focus on this over the summer as I prepare for the wedding.
4) Reflect on the many ways I have learned to be loving to people who have nothing to do with Christianity. Yale has brought an incredible diversity of people into my life, and I cherish the relationships I have with them. It has been an exceptionally positive experience, but I look forward to think about it more to see what's going on in these loves I have with people who are so different from me.
5) Really make the most out of my last few months at Yale. I love this place so much, and I want to see how I can draw the best of it into my next life chapter.
6) Tune myself to listening to the Lord as he prompts me with prayer and praise. Maybe I could even start occasionally going to church again sometime in the next few months? I think I have been to church four times in the past two years. I am interested to see where that goes.
That's all that's on my mind right now, and it's time to get back to a paper that is half done that is due in 8 hours. Miles to go before I sleep, and Miles to go before I sleep.
This year for Lent, with no preparation at all, I decided to do a semi-Daniel fast again. The vegan part is just normal everyday eating for me, but I've cut out 100% of sweets, which is NOT normal. My grad school diet is, not exaggerating, about 15% cookies. Of course I feel great since I cut them out.
I'm adding occasional homemade fresh vegetable juice, and I allow myself cups of coffee when academic deadlines demand the caffeine, but I use it more as a drug than a pleasure (I've sort of lost my taste for it).
I've had one weird craving so far, and that was a ham sandwich with mayonnaise, which I haven't eaten in many years, even before I became a vegan. I think sometimes I just long for really normal American food because it would be so easy to find. Fluffy white spongey bread, deli meat, mayo, a little lettuce, yellow mustard. I'll never stop being a vegan because my health is perfect, but simplicity and convenience when it comes to food might be something I always miss.
Grad school has been a subdued spiritual time for me. There was a flurry of activity and change before I got here, but it has been extremely muted for my whole time at Yale. There has been so much going on with my intellect and my emotions that I've definitely been aware of my spiritual growth, but it's looked very different from my pre-Yale life. I am starting to see glimmers of a return of my prayer life and my desire to praise God and talk to Him in my journal, but they are sparse. I sense a big change when I graduate in a few months, plan the wedding, get married, and start my Vita Nuova as Mrs. Illingworth.
So the goals for the fast are:
1) Finish my masters degree with some degree of success
2) Get ready for the powerful winds of change that are about to blow through my life
3) Start to think about what virtue looks like as a married person, although I'll really focus on this over the summer as I prepare for the wedding.
4) Reflect on the many ways I have learned to be loving to people who have nothing to do with Christianity. Yale has brought an incredible diversity of people into my life, and I cherish the relationships I have with them. It has been an exceptionally positive experience, but I look forward to think about it more to see what's going on in these loves I have with people who are so different from me.
5) Really make the most out of my last few months at Yale. I love this place so much, and I want to see how I can draw the best of it into my next life chapter.
6) Tune myself to listening to the Lord as he prompts me with prayer and praise. Maybe I could even start occasionally going to church again sometime in the next few months? I think I have been to church four times in the past two years. I am interested to see where that goes.
That's all that's on my mind right now, and it's time to get back to a paper that is half done that is due in 8 hours. Miles to go before I sleep, and Miles to go before I sleep.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Horrible Beginning
My sixth consecutive day sick in bed is closing as I type. Last Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday, I fell suddenly extremely ill with the Influenza A virus (the same thing as Swine Flu, Bird Flu, H1N1) and pneumonia in one of my lungs. I had a 103 degree fever for four full days, fainted one time, took antibiotics that really upset my stomach, and had incredible difficulty breathing that is just now disappearing. Whew.
Needless to say, the opening moments of my Lenten season have been a far cry from the dazzling beginning to last year's fast. I knew this year would be different, but this has been so disappointing. I didn't even get to go to church on Ash Wednesday, and I had to break my fast a few times to drink apple juice when I couldn't stomach any other form of nourishment. I am going to try to go to class tomorrow for the first time in a week - here's hoping I don't pass out.
Lent is a time of forgetting (or at least lessening) your physical needs so you can focus on your spiritual ones. Pneumonia is a time of total consumption with your physical needs to the total exclusion of all others. This whole thing has begun backward, and I've missed one of my six precious weeks of Lent.
But perhaps there's a lesson there. When we fast, one of the most important things to remember is that it's about letting go. Fasting forces you to examine your motives pretty closely, and being totally physically and mentally leveled for a full week has cleared the decks in my thinking. I think I otherwise might have gone into this fast the same way I did last year - with a long list of "goals" and a structured format for all the prayers I wanted to say while I longed for a trip to the frozen yogurt shop.
This is not about the blessings but the Blesser, although the blessings are numerous. When Jesus tells people not to look miserable when they're fasting, he's saying that you can choose how rewarding you want this experience to be. If you look miserable to win the approval of others, you've already gotten your reward, which will be their silent applause. I take that to mean that you can also go into this hoping for spiritual direction, more discipline about eating well, and getting in better touch with temptation - and those will be your rewards, too. But you can also go into this with abandon, desiring nothing but God himself. That's always an option we can choose, in everything we do. Somehow feeling utterly miserable for a week has made me cheer and delight in this option, and all other hopes for Lent are lost. This season, I want not his, but Him.
So here goes. Late start - or maybe not.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Game Plan and Preparation
One week from today is Ash Wednesday, and I am so looking forward to it. It seems strange to be "really excited about Lent," but since I am a divinity school student I can say those kinds of things around my friends and it isn't too weird.
Since my whole life is about the academic study of God and Christianity, I think it's important to steer clear of anything really "formal" and try to tap into another method of communicating closely with the Lord. I don't think I can handle any more reading right now (as I write this I am postponing my planning for a lecture on St. Francis that I have to give tomorrow), so I want to try to write one sonnet a day. It'll be creative, it will make me really comfortable thinking in verse, and hopefully will give some structure (but a creative structure) to my prayer life. 46 sonnets in 46 days is a tall order, and I am guessing 43 of them will be truly terrible, but it's my offering.
I also can't wait to start the Daniel Fast again. I can't wait for that rush of health to hit me when the day begins, for the energy, that extra clean feeling - and a good reason to say no to a lot of things I shouldn't be eating anyway.
Dear Jesus, I pray you would begin to work in the hearts of all those who prepare themselves for Lenten observance. Rush to their care, and grant them the intimacy with you they crave. Teach each one what you would have them learn this season, and help us all to prepare for your glorious resurrection to occur anew in our hearts on Easter morning. Amen.
Since my whole life is about the academic study of God and Christianity, I think it's important to steer clear of anything really "formal" and try to tap into another method of communicating closely with the Lord. I don't think I can handle any more reading right now (as I write this I am postponing my planning for a lecture on St. Francis that I have to give tomorrow), so I want to try to write one sonnet a day. It'll be creative, it will make me really comfortable thinking in verse, and hopefully will give some structure (but a creative structure) to my prayer life. 46 sonnets in 46 days is a tall order, and I am guessing 43 of them will be truly terrible, but it's my offering.
I also can't wait to start the Daniel Fast again. I can't wait for that rush of health to hit me when the day begins, for the energy, that extra clean feeling - and a good reason to say no to a lot of things I shouldn't be eating anyway.
Dear Jesus, I pray you would begin to work in the hearts of all those who prepare themselves for Lenten observance. Rush to their care, and grant them the intimacy with you they crave. Teach each one what you would have them learn this season, and help us all to prepare for your glorious resurrection to occur anew in our hearts on Easter morning. Amen.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Lent 2012
Just about a month until Lent begins again, and I am planning.
I have kept up with my whole food vegan diet since Lent last year - I cheat a few times a month, but the spiritual and physical heath that I experienced during Lent was too good to give up last Easter.
I think I will go back to the Daniel Fast of last year. I was worried it wouldn't be enough of a change from my normal diet since I've remained a vegan, but the total abstinence from sweeteners, any beverages except water, leavened breads and solid fats will be a pretty big change. I also think I will do a total fast once or twice a week - maybe on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Instead of just not eating certain things to observe Lent, this year I'd like to add something that I'll do during this season. I've thought about gathering with friends to have a Bible Study, or that I would undertake a reading assignment on my own.
It was suggested by a friend of mine that a group of us gather to say the Daily Office. It consists of Morning Prayer, Daily Mass, Evening Prayer/Vespers, and Night Prayer. It would be challenging schedule-wise, but would certainly make for a well ordered Lent. Something to consider.
I am beginning to pray about this now. Life is so different this Lenten season than it was last year, and as much as I would like to repeat my 2011 experience exactly, I know there are new ways to grow that are appropriate to my new life. One of the first lessons I learned last year was that my specific expectations are somewhat irrelevant; fasting makes us attentive to that which God wants to do in our hearts, and we needn't wait long to have these desires revealed.
I have kept up with my whole food vegan diet since Lent last year - I cheat a few times a month, but the spiritual and physical heath that I experienced during Lent was too good to give up last Easter.
I think I will go back to the Daniel Fast of last year. I was worried it wouldn't be enough of a change from my normal diet since I've remained a vegan, but the total abstinence from sweeteners, any beverages except water, leavened breads and solid fats will be a pretty big change. I also think I will do a total fast once or twice a week - maybe on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Instead of just not eating certain things to observe Lent, this year I'd like to add something that I'll do during this season. I've thought about gathering with friends to have a Bible Study, or that I would undertake a reading assignment on my own.
It was suggested by a friend of mine that a group of us gather to say the Daily Office. It consists of Morning Prayer, Daily Mass, Evening Prayer/Vespers, and Night Prayer. It would be challenging schedule-wise, but would certainly make for a well ordered Lent. Something to consider.
I am beginning to pray about this now. Life is so different this Lenten season than it was last year, and as much as I would like to repeat my 2011 experience exactly, I know there are new ways to grow that are appropriate to my new life. One of the first lessons I learned last year was that my specific expectations are somewhat irrelevant; fasting makes us attentive to that which God wants to do in our hearts, and we needn't wait long to have these desires revealed.
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